heart shaped world.
i'm really struggling with "letting go" and giving it up to God.
i spent so many years intent on one professional calling - law. last summer, i was moved to abandon that calling so that i could spend more time with my children - in the short and long terms. everything fell immediately into place for me as far as accomplishing my teaching goals. i firmly believe(d) that God is working in my life and directed me to this path.
i am getting certified to teach social studies 4 - 8. these positions are hard to come by, knowledge that i only gained late into my certification process. however, this spring there are more than 6 openings in my particular field for the 2010/11 school year! when i got that news, i just *knew* that God was working hard for me.
this past week has been a blur of phone calls and frantic activity. unless God intervenes again, the past year of work will be laid to waste. there are two tests that one must take to become a certified teacher in the state of texas; the pedagogy and professional responsibilities (PPR) and a content test (to meet the NCLB highly qualified standards). i am registered to take the PPR tomorrow morning.
there is a job fair tomorrow night for a school district here in setx that has 4 of the SS 4-8 positions. unbeknown to me when i registered for my PPR, i will not be allowed into the job fair without having taken my content test (something that i cannot change at this date). i am lifting my life and work to God, because i cannot see a way for me to do it. if this is indeed His will, i pray that He will put His hand to work in my life once again.
there are several other obstacles in my path to a career in teaching as well. i am doing everything i can to give it up to Him, 'cause i just don't see how they will be accomplished without him.
my current struggle is one of desperate need to "fix" it - even though i know i can't. and i feel the anger trying to worm its way into my spirit - blaming Lamar for their inefficiency and general inability to guide their students in a manner that makes sense. i'm giving it over to Him. i cannot control it.
please add me to your prayers.
1 comment:
So very sorry to hear you're having a rough time, sweetheart. But it sounds like you've got the right attitude. Please do remember that when these things arise it is not as though God needs to "once again" intervene or "begin working" afresh in your life; He never ceases to work out second-by-second His eternally foreordained plan for our lives. These obstacles are not something which threaten His plan for you, Rachel, but they are rather part of it.
I know you know this, but your language gives the impression that perhaps you have temporarily lost sight of that vital fact in the midst of the hustle and stress. Such times are when we most need to bear these truths in mind, so that in them we might enjoy His rest and refreshment all the more!
Coram deo: As you pray for restful yieldedness to His will and for the grace to gratefully and cheerfully accept His appointed outcome, do also bear in mind that He knows what He is doing, and will carry out His plan *precisely* as purposed, down to the minutest detail. Perhaps more important (for your emotional well-being, anyway) in these trials is to give much careful thought to ("meditate upon") the fact He not only knows what He is doing, but He knows - perfectly and exhaustively, which is even better than you yourself know - what you are going through internally and externally...and He *cares*, He *empathizes* and *identifies* with you in your struggles. His love is unfathomable to us, and we will NEVER reach the bottom of its infinite depths, nor will we ever fully comprehend it, even in the eternal state. Another KEY fact to ponder continually: He denies His beloved children NO good thing. That means that He will never give His own anything that will not effect our growth in Him; nor will He withhold any blessing or squelch any desire/apiration that will draw us more deeply and joyfully into Himself. Cliched as it is, Romans 8:28 fully applies here. ALL things work to His glory and to our ultimate benefit.
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